Across the Universe - IHOP's Lumberjack Breakfast

Chock full of classics Beatles songs as familiar as a melty butter pat, this energetic new musical is deliciously overstuffed. You've got your eggs, in fun numbers like "With A Little Help From My Friends" and "Revolution" and one hell of a closing song; You've got your pancakes, in some stunning visuals and choreography, and you've got your bacon in appealing but not quite excellent actors. But also, since this is the lumberjack special, you get waffles, sausage, hashbrowns, and a fruit cup. By the time we get through with the pancakes, we have to slog through the grits of a back to back Trip Out Fest in the form of Bono singing "I Am The Walrus" and Eddie Izzard singing "The Benefit Of Mr Kite" - who exactly was asking for that? There's way too much to be digested easily, and let's face it, a 60's Beatle musical isn't that easy to swallow to begin with. Is there too much of a good thing? Certainly, at The International House of Pancakes, and almost certainly in Across the Universe. The whole thing sags in the middle, but luckily springs back to life, thanks to the downright inspirational final song. Director Julie Taymor pours big buttery syrup all over the place, and some of it is sweet enough, but unfortunately, her eyes were bigger than her stomach.

No Country For Old Men - Great Dinner with a Bad Dessert

No Country for Old Men had a chance to be a special dinner. everything about it was perfect, the lighting, the ambiance, the mood, and even the service. The meal was like something we had not had in a very long time. It was something we had seen before (Fargo) but it was presented differently. With a few surprise ingredients and a random death, we switched (main characters) flavors but it was still way above decent. When the waiter finally asked us for dessert we all were clamoring for the final piece of this masterful dinner. But that's when the shitake mushrooms hit the fan.
The dessert was a chocolate souffle in theory, but it took way too long to come out (i guess that's why you order souffle when you're ordering your main course). But even when it finally did get to our table, it wasn't very good.
The chef's dessert had left all of us wanting more. The souffle was a fine idea, but it tasted bitter and awful. If we could have sent it back we would have. In this case a simple Hershey's Bar would have been sufficient enough.

Pirates of the Carribean Triology - Shish Kebob

When the world first heard about Disney's plans to turn one of its most beloved non-racist theme park rides to the big screen, the viewing public answered with a resounding shrug. In theory this meal has got nothing to it. Just some meat and some vegetables thrown haphazardly together. Let's take Johnny Depp and make him a pirate. Why not? Yet the first bite is suprisingly succulent, a flavorful mix of gallows humor, an intricate story and surprisingly violent action. The next two are more skewered and difficult to remove from their metallic spine of a overly complicated plot. What was interesting and complex in the first movie becomes hopelessly convoluted in the follow ups, especially the dismally dark roasted pepper of Pirates of the Carribean 2: Dead Man's Chest. However, the series finds itself back on the grill with Pirates of the Carribean 3, At Worlds End. At it's best, it tastes like part one - at it's worst, it tastes like part two. Some viewers may even wish to eat the first bite, unskewer the second, and go straight to the third. Be warned, however. The relentlessly loud action and repetitive nature of the trilogy lends itself to skewer induced headache. Do not try to devour this one in a quick gulp.

Star Wars Episode VI: Return of The Jedi - Banana Cream Pie

Is there a more debatable film than the Return of the Jedi? Sure, it fits the mold of a Star Wars movie, it's fun, flashy, great special effects and thrilling set pieces. But it gets a lot of thing wrong, too. It is the bastard child of A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back. If we assume that, for this example only, those films are respectively Blueberry and Apple Pie, then truly Return of the Jedi is Banana Cream. Sure, it's a pie, technically - but it doesn't have the weight, texture, or flavor that the other two did. That being said, it is a sweet dessert ending to the most successful motion picture franchise in history. Highlights include the flaky crust of Admiral Ackbar, the creamy, creepy Emperor, and the satisfied feeling you get every time you put down the fork, unbutton your pants, and John Williams whips out his acoustic version of the Imperial march just as Darth Vader fades away into cinematic history. Lowlights include Ewok after Ewok after Ewok, and the watering down of Han Solo, a once potent and volatile character, chopped into bland bits of comic relief. While not quite the pastry we might deserve, and though there may be some grumblings from the die-hard fans, Jedi remains an enjoyable treat nonetheless.

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back - Beef Stew

Like beef stew, Empire Strikes Back has a little bit of everything. Head chef Irvin Kershner adds the emotional ingredients of romance, comedy, and betrayal, etc., and has them cooking for 124 minutes in this crock pot of emotions that leaves us wanting so much more, but like all stew's, leaves us undeniably stuffed. On a cold day in Hoth, what could be better than this dark and murky (Dagobah) concoction? The answer is nothing.
There are moments of this meal that are so memorable. "I am your father," is one of the highlights, not just of Empire, but in cinematic history. A dash of comedy in the form of C-3PO's annoyance of Han Solo serves to cleanse the palette of too much romance and drama, yet is tastefully not overdone.
The main ingredient of hunky man beef made with love is supplied by Han Solo and his romance with Princess Leia. The overly cocky and lost Luke Skywalker is the part of the stew that gives it bite and the oregano of comedy is supplied by the two-man Greek chorus of C-3PO and R2-D2. Yet the entire pot is stirred with the lightsaber of Darth Vader.
In turn, this thick and meaty stew is blissfully tasteful and is the crowning achievement of the six movies. With all it's emotion, you get the feeling that if you said, "I love Empire Srikes Back the best," the movie would answer back, "...I know."

Star Wars (Episode 4: A New Hope) - Classic Hamburger

The summer blockbuster, the all American party food for the whole family. Truly, all of us, except for women and vegetarians, can enjoy the original Star Wars, which created an empire and revolutionized the way we watch the movies, both by pioneering technology as well as unintentionally spewing forth knock offs and imitations too plentiful to count. Revisiting this simple, largely homemade classic fills you up right and brings you back home. Watch how difficult it is for Han Solo to blast one Tie Fighter, regardless of how many thousands get blown away in seconds in Episode One. Savor the heartache inherent in the sunset scene on Tatooine. Start with the actors - a spicy Carrie Fisher pickle and the sweet tang of a few squirts of Harrison Ford mustard and a sprinkling of cheerfully bland Mark Hamill lettuce. Then add the rich bun goodness of still-impressive special effects, but what this original really has is good old fashioned meaty storytelling. The orphan and his ragtag team storm the castle and rescue the princess from the evil wizard. It's film and cooking at their simplest - and best.

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith - Steak. Only it's from Outback Steakhouse.

With a bad taste in our collective mouthes from the prior two piss-poor meals consisting of a lot of pretty colors, killing sand people, and awful acting, we all hoped the payoff would be Episode III. Well, minus the sand people killing, two of the bad ingredients returned, but this time in a much spicier and meatier PG-13 sexcapade, okay, no actual sex, but we got what we were looking for. It was an eclectic mix of Anakin's demise into Darth Vader as well as a dash of darkness and a hint of sadness in the form of Padme's death. The greatest treat was seeing Vader's helmet being put on for the first time in a wonderfully crafted scene.
Ignoring the video game CGI, the movie returns us to the near perfection the original 4th, 5th, and 6th dishes. Perhaps this is the most well-done of the films in the sense that it's the darkest (there's no pink showing), but to say that it is as flavorful as the A New Hope or Empire Stikes Back is wrong. It could be on the same menu as Return of the Jedi though. But with a PG-13 rating it's not on the children's menu anymore.